forgot to say - I got bangs on Saturday..

They are so cute, too bad no one has been able to see them yet..

Still sick..

So I am still home sick today, this is day 4, off work day 3. I am really hoping to go back tomorrow. I threw the sheets in the wash on hot today, waiting and throwing in the blankets next. I can't believe the coodies. I ran the dishwasher yesterday and emptied it and broke into a sweat. You would expect it was better exercise if that were the case.
We are all home sick, I am avoiding needing a Z-Pack from the DR but if tomorrow I am not better, fever broken then I am getting one. I woke up today in a cold sweat duing my morning nap so I am hoping that is the break to the fever.
I am heading up to wallgreens in a bit to get more sudafed, I may just go to Dierbergs and get the same thing and bet Bob some soup and me some fruit. Tracey got me a whole pack of Clementine's on Monday and I have 2 left, that yogurts and cereal is about all I have been eating. I drank 6, 32oz glasses of water yesterday and now everything is running clear, but still running. I wonder if Clementine's make snot?
I know they say pregnancy makes you have odd dreams but I think being sick and pregnant makes your dreams even more strange. I had the most odd dream about my father last night, he tried to give me this belt, and was walking my husband through this photo album/book I have no idea what was in it but pictures I had never seen before, articles and something about the add on closet from my childhood home. We were at that house too, which is really odd because I don't have a single memory of being in that house with my father. Most of my memories of him are from right before he died or what I think are dreams from when I was very young. Who knows.. odd dreams I tell ya!
Off to change the laundry then to the store then for my afternoon nap (if I need it), hope all is well.

And the whole house is sick...

Bob and I woke up this morning around 2 both coughing. I didn't get back to sleep until somewhere around 4ish. During the billy banks and crazy lady making everything in a sandwich maker. We are both coughing, I am sneezing, don't have a fever but he's been cold all day and I slept off and one for most of the afternoon. Oh, and by the way, it's not fun to be sick at the same time as your husband... no fun at all... I usually like to just be left alone and sleep and he's coughing and moving and all over the place (not helping my headache at all) so, if you can avoid it, I suggest it.

Maybe it's my negative energy, who knows. I think I got everything out that I needed to last night (thanks for listening), started on some burp cloths (that I must say are very cute!), and finished Eat, Pray, Love on audio. It was good, I would listen to it again.

I think I got out all the tears, I didn't get to walk today either but I am not sure I would have made it very far. I feel a bit numb, maybe it's the cold, maybe it's my body's way of saying NO MORE.

Book club starts up again soon and they are going to read Seabiscut. I said I am not sure I am going to read the book but then again that leaves me 2 for2. I was told just to take the book and join but I am not sure if I want the book in my possession and go into labor or something go on. I would like to go to the meeting but really have so much to do at the same time, Tracey never makes it easy to say no but I have to stand my ground on this one.
I'm too tired.

So, I have been feeling her move a lot more today when I was laying down so much. It's crazy, she's all over, she really has a fondness to my right side. Is that because I am left handed? There's not as much going on over on that end? Who knows... I feel like shes trying to make her way to my back she's so far over right now. I sure hope I feel better soon, I may stay home tomorrow from work and get myself back in gear. Sigh, cough cough... time for bed...

Lost in translation.. What is normal?

I know these blogs should be fluffy and upbeat but this is my yuck weekend, so just skip and come back later. I gotta get this out.

I am having a hard time this weekend keeping my mind settled and where it needs to be. I have a relationship that I thought was good, or going in a good direction and now think i never really knew anything about this person. I feel that one of the more important things in life is honestly and without that there is nothing real. I worked so hard my whole life not to be a victim or be "that kid", "that broken home kid" or "poor her, poor anything". I have worked to not let too many people know who I really am in pain inside and it made things worse for me. I worked so hard to make sure that only the good showed and I was putting on my best act, lying to everyone around me and myself. Then came that time in my life that I need to find me, and after 10 years and a lot of work, I really feel I found that person. I am not perfect, I am not beautiful, or even thin anymore, but I am honest and I am a good person and that is being tested right now in me and I am having such a hard time understanding how I worked so hard to get close to someone that just lied to me and never told me the truth. I can't work on a relationship based on lies and or the wonder of what is real and what is not. I am having such a hard time, I need to call the Dr on Monday, maybe it is a phase, maybe it's like having a period, feels like that time of the month, crying and trying to keep myself composed isn't working. I have had friends that were depressed when they were pregnant and say it's horrible, I am in that perfect time frame for it to kick in, I have no control over my life and I am soon responsible for another. Great.. I am broken hearted, weak and can't keep it together, and soon I will be sleep deprived, alone with a newborn and expected to handle it all. I know in my mind that I can do this but I have friends right now that have newborns and can't seem to get or keep themselves out of bed. I am afraid, I know that Bob is great but he is going to have to work. I don't want to be this weak broken person and I am going to do my best to keep my head up, get sunlight, exercise and stay positive. I wish there was an honest way to know what women in generations before ours did. I mean there must be something that helps, that does not make you need medication, or hours of therapy. I have looked in all my books and it all says that one stupid word... Normal. It's NORMAL to have emotional breakdowns and cry for no or some stupid reason in your third trimester. It's normal to have a 3 week old baby that you are trying to breastfeed and drinking more Pepsi than eating food. It's normal to lie in bed at 2 am wondering what goes on in there, did you feel enough movement today? Why isn't anything moving now? Then lie there for another 2 hours until the baby wakes up and moves and you get at least those "normal" 10 kicks.
What a shitty shitty day... what a crazy crazy ramble. I am off to try to figure out my curtains, try to make some baby presents for others and God willing, get my sewing room cleaned up. I think it's time for a new Audio book... Eat, Pray is almost over and it's time for something new.

Don't push me cuz I'm close to the Edgee.......

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge

I'm trying not to lose my head, ah huh-huh-huh

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep from going under

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep from going under

Ok, I give.. I am breaking down as I type. I can't take much more and really I give in to everything. I can't handle any more. Give me a break, I am emotionally a wreck, I can't think I can't speak and worse I don't need to hear every horrible thing that I have done or said to anyone RIGHT NOW! Give me 3 months, not respect for me but respect for my daughter. Give her the right to not have to deal with me sobbing for 3 hours every night this week, allow her some peace of giving me sleep.
I give I really do.. I don't have full control over my emotions, my hormones, my body or anything else. I allow me to make mistakes so if you can't allow me to make mistakes then don't talk to me right now. I can't deal, I can't take it I can't sleep I can't handle it. OK.

I GIVE!

http://www.baby.com/view.aspx?pid=197&cid=176&src=gg
Article that came into my inbox today, and really not a surprise after this week.

My (Last) nerve

I don't know where the saying comes from about getting on your last nerve but this kid is one of of the final few of mine. Literally...So, i got to be up from 2 am last night until now. I should be asleep soon. It seems that my patience are being tested at every turn these days, so I can only assume I have a few nerves left so it must be close to the last. It's been a bad week, seems when it rains it pours but this is not the forum for that.

The wall is still in progress, Bob is looking into the size and shape of the leaves for the stems on the other walls. We had a discussion about the dresser and have now (sigh) decided against it. We are going to get a changing table and just put baskets (no wicker) under it and fill with socks, etc. I think that will work. We can't find a dresser that Bob the builder can like enough and I don't want white because the rest of everything is wood and won't match. Why are guys so picky about this but he can leave the house in black pants, gray socks and brown shoes? Who knows. We are getting there. Freaked out or not, with or without the classes, here we come.

Jan 1 2008.. Year of the baby (Per Bob)

Well, we didn't go out dancing this year or go drinking and or hanging out with friends and family. We stayed home and painted but I feel more accomplished than normal, we got the first layer of paint on at least everything we needed to get started. We don't have the flowers done but i can't figure out exactly is in Bob's head that he wants to do.
I listened to most of Eat, Pray, Love while painting. It's nice, I mean it's beneficial and I really feel like I am getting somewhere whiled doing this painting. It's a great book to listen to and listen to while doing something for someone else.
Melissa mentioned a boat on the outlet cover, and we don't have one, but that's the phone and we can't take the whole cover off, that's why it looks like a boat. It is a cute idea thou, I mean need to do some looking :D.

I would really love some comments on the blog so please let us know what you think!

Happy New Year everyone...

P.S. We are missing Hawaii, we know. Bob needs to draw the islands in so, that will be in a later version.

painting and pillows

I finally gave in and bought myself a pregnancy pillow. It's wonderful so far, I have not used it on a work day yet but I have made it thru 2 nights with more sleep than I have had in a week and a half. This kid is growing now so fast that I can't seem to keep up, I don't know what to do about the next few weeks (10 weeks) but I got a new Yoga dvd on the way to help me stretch or something to make this more uncomfortable on me. I have always joked with friends that you would never actually get the nerve to have a baby (the actual birthing part) if you were not so uncomfortable that you just wanted some pain relief. I guess this is what is going to happen so I get to that point. Either way, this one pillow took the place of 3 (yes 3) king size pillows on my bed. Bob must be happy that he has room again.

On to paint... Bob got the start of the flowers done and North America ( I think one coat) I finished 2 coats on the Pac Rim and a coat on Antarctica. I am going to start South America Tonight, it's been hard on my body to sit on the floor and or sit on an uncomfortable chair trying to paint a wall with a small brush.. It may be time to give in for a massage soon.

All in all, things are going well here, lots of kicks going on around Christmas and thankfully everyone was nice, not saying things about my weight gain and or telling me what I need or should be doing. Except one comment from my mother but we won't get into that.
The nieces came in and we had a nice Christmas, lost of fun and running like mad, I think they were not so happy with me not running as fast or as much and or holding anyone as much this visit, but it was still great.

Either or, pictures to come, I have to keep painting now while the sun and lighting is good, I will take some photos after the sun is not on the wall.

Life is good... Take a look at my world right now...

Week 28 - Christmas -

I have been thinking about all of the things I am thankful for and really wanted to take the time to write some things out.
I am thankful for:
Bob, Family, Friends, work and Bob working too, health, pregnancy, home, our yard and house, our great neighbors, chilly days and warm coats, laughs, tears, voices and having one, red toenail polish, sewing, art, music,....
a few other things to be thankful for:
not being able to see my thighs right now, being able to see my toes still, the memory that I did have a 6 pack once in my life (even if I never get it back, or feel that way now), alarm clocks, hot showers, Christmas cookies, youth, memories, clementines, cute (comfey) shoes, nieces, the ABC song, polly pockets, no traffic, snow when you can be at home to enjoy it.

Christmas Wreaths - A New Spin!

So, I have had this thing or Rice Crispy Treats.. Somehow how (don't listen Dave) Chocolate is not my thing right now...

Here's what I did.. Cook 1 stick of butter and 2 bags of large marshmallows (good enough to eat on their own!)


Mix in some green food coloring and vanilla...


Take an 8 inch round cake pan - spray with non stick spray and use either cups, cans or in my case Bob's beer glasses. Pour the mixture in; I spooned it in around the glass, but if it would have been something with a lid, I would have poured.


Add in decor.. My decor is skittles (minus the green) we used to use red hots but these are kid friendly.







Tie on a super fancy (yogo's seen here) fruit leather bow.








refrigerate for a half hour. As you can see, I didn't spray the glass with Pam but it helped me get the wreath out of the pan.








Put on a plastic red plate for sparkle. and BAM- Christmas presents for kings! (or neighbors and friends)

PS - I will post sometime this weekend for this week. It's been a fun one.. I may even have a few pictures.. but food first. :D