Expectations.....

Well, I guess I can still hope to have this kid naturally. I am really wanting to go tomorrow.. The 22nd would mean a lot to me. Tyler would be so excited too, I mean it was his birthday first. Either way we are almost there, I don't know what to expect, but then again....

Looking back I guess I didn't expect my belly to be the size it really is today. I didn't expect to have big dry patches on my arms, have to use special soaps, have so many emotions, outbursts, thankfully not so much heartburn, swelling when I know I eat bad and sit for too long, and my hair not to grow almost at all for a year. I didn't expect my fingernails to thin, my hips to hurt so bad I can't sit or lay in one place for over 45 minutes, to fall in love with any type of body pillow, to actually be warmer when I sleep than I was before, for my allergies to really calm down a lot and not to curse myself in 3 days of having this baby but I have not mentioned once that I have not had a migraine (knock on wood) the whole time. That is a HUGE DEAL! I expected to like foods that I normally don't, didn't really happen but I did eat more tomato's and beef, no change for pickles, don't know if I expected to have morning sickness, that I didn't get, I didn't know I would not like sausage, vinegar, and egg rolls, and sweets would make my stomach turn, I didn't expect that God would ever let a pregnant woman go without ice cream but this one didn't like it at all, and who knew that my fingers would be so dry that they would crack and bleed, but only the thumb and first finger. I have not had that happen in years, I worked in billing and shuffled paper the last time it did, that's how I found out I was allergic to paper. I didn't expect to have my belly button go inside out, EWW! I have always had great stomach muscle control, I only pray that I get that back, and my belly button goes back to where it belongs.
I didn't know what to expect with Bob, but he's really been great, only one more test (Zoiks!) I didn't expect to get a creative slump for 10 months, that kinda sucked, I didn't expect to lose all my sleep before she even gets here, and speaking of that, I didn't expect that she would be a she. I didn't expect that I would not get my way on her name either, it's really nice that Bob has an opinion and I am glad we are figuring this out together. I didn't expect my job would change, but that's got nothing to do with this. I expected the room to be done faster, I expected that i would have some yoga like quality and be able to bend like I normally can, I expected that I would still have no problem driving but my belly would touch the steering wheel (yes, I am nutty and holey cow would that have been a lot!).
I expected that I would feel all maternal and get some 6th sense of what needed to be done and just do it before it was even time. I suppose I am so scared now because my friends said the same things and were shocked when their babies were not listening to their spidey sense. I didn't expect to be so scared, I didn't expect to worry so much already, I didn't expect that I would look so forward to a Dr's visit because it was the only thing that was telling me everything is fine. I didn't expect that contractions would feel like cramps, I didn't really ever get cramps before this. I also didn't expect that I would lose so much of my mind, I can normally remember a lot and keep things in order for the household, not happening so much these days. I think the big thing is I didn't expect the experience to be all that it is, there have been really great times, things that have made Bob and I closer than we were before, things that got me more in tune with my body and my mind.
I expected that I would be able to relax and read, never happened, just the same line or page over and over.
I should have expected that everything in life changes and this is just one of those things, one of those crazy, great, wonderful, scary, hard, sucky, mean, thankful, everyday things...