Crazy?

We go home tomorrow, I am ready but I am also really happy that we got as much time at the hospital as we did. I had a slight melt down tonight and a little one this morning so I am assuming the baby blues have kicked in. I know this is all normal but man, what a horrible thing to happen, I am not sure why your body/mind does this when you need it most but thankfully Bob is very supportive and understanding that this is not my normal mind and or thought process.
We are at a learning hospital so there are times when students are walking around interacting with patients and say things even when they don't know what is true or even correct. This is and can make things harder for someone thinking that they are speaking to a Dr and the information is accurate. This is even harder when a student comes in at 9 a.m. and tells you that this is the day you are going home, even if you have not met with your Dr, they have no idea who your Dr is and other than giving birth, knowing your situation or charting. I.E. breakdown #1 this morning. I was also having a hard time this evening when we had to get things ready to go home, we had two new nurses that I had not met before and neither were big talkers, ok neither of them spoke period. So far, I have really fallen in love with the staff of nurses here, they are all very sweet, understanding and have been attentive to both myself and Taryn. It was hard for me to get ready to go, get all of the paperwork ready, try to get myself in the shower and feel supported to get myself ready and help getting myself back in order from someone that would come in, write down information then leave, not from this department. Normally, no I would not care but being somewhat independent, it's really hard to depend on someone else, someone that you don't know and with your most intimate details of your life and body when they are, well, lets just say not at your best. (Breakdown #2) but this is where Bob comes in and saves the day. I am planning a shower in the morning now and we got everything else done that we needed to do. I feel better, and we got new nurses at 11, the one is new but very sweet, the PCA person never answered her phone, but I called the nurse and she came to aid with what I needed. I am still a little weepy but know I am ok, we are ok and yes I will feel better if I cry. Thankfully, I will be home for the next few days so I won't be some mad woman at Babies R Us again when the tears kick in like when I was pregnant.
The good news is, the crazy is not all tears, I have had these laughing attacks too that are actually pretty funny, seems as if the crazy is not bias to any one thing. All in all, I really do feel good and have for the most part loved every moment after having her. Its crazy but it's really true that you do forget the pain and hard time I was having pregnant and it was all worth it. It's not easy to hear at the time and never helped but once it came down to it and it really happened, it was all worth it. She's worth it.
So, how I feel:
My back hurts where I got my Epi and there was a spot that started hurting when I got it, or was getting it that was on my tailbone and that spot hurts too. My feet are swollen, I thought the insides of my ankles swelling a bit was bad when I was pregnant but this is insane swelling, the tops of my feet and toes all the way to my thighs are swollen, it goes down during the day but I wake up to it every morning and the Dr's say it will last up to 10 days. I can deal with that as long as it does go away. My headache is off and on but keeps me from sleeping as much as my hormones, so that's not helping, it will be nice to be in my own bed with my own pillows and get some sleep soon. Even if I do have someone getting me the good crushed ice and water when needed, he's coming with me anyway (:D) so that's ok with me. My incision is still covered with my binding and that's hurting a little but I am thankful that I have been good about working out so I know that next day burn is part of what happens when your body goes thru a lot. I know that my muscles have been thru a lot, pulling and stretching more than they ever have but they are working themselves into a good place and the meds are helping. It's really strange looking at my belly now, it looks better, not as big but shes not there anymore and it still has a lot of it's same form. I have no idea why I expected it to just droop and sag, crazy? Who knows. My milk is coming in so now I have a new change and pain. Nothing I have ever had to deal with in my lifetime and something I can't wait to end. Just one more joke of pregnancy and wanting to sleep on your stomach. In the end I can't say I feel bad, I don't. I feel really good and honestly at this time, I feel accomplished, my daughter is feeding well and taking to her feedings like a champ, we are learning this process well and keeping Bob involved in feedings, he's been great about staying involved even if he can't be the one to feed her and he's got a good job of burp duty and helping change sides. It makes me feel better that he is involved in the process, it's good bonding for he and Taryn too.
That's all for now. More news from the home front once we get settled in. Who knows, there could be a fashion show soon as Taryn is wearing things that don't have feet on them :D