Quiet around here...

So we've been home for a week now (and a day) and it's been really quiet, not a lot of phone calls and not a lot of guests. I am surprised, we have only heard from a few of the siblings on each of our sides and few visitors. I guess everyone's giving us time to get in a groove but it's been so quiet and maybe I am just pushy.
All in all things are good, I need to load the photo site in the blog so we can load up more pictures. Grandma Sandy came over today and made us dinner, pasta with olive oil and fresh squash, sun dried tomatoes and carrots. It was really good and healthy, she also got an apple tart from Trader Joe's' and it was really really good too! It was a nice visit over all and we got to spend some quality time with Grandma Sandy which is always nice and she's always on the run. I am so glad she got out here and Taryn is too, she is actually almost as big as Grandma Sandy and Grandma Sally already. Should not be too long before she does pass them up.
We are going to do a test run tomorrow to see if I can handle going to the Dr with Taryn on Monday. I will carry the car seat to the car with Taryn in it and hook her in and drive (from here to the Dr's office) or wherever and check on the drive and how I do with the belly and all lifting and moving on our own so Bob won't worry so much on Monday when he has to work.
Hope all is well with everyone, we had a pretty long night last night but today was a good day and we were all bright eyed for a lot of the afternoon. Hope this helps with sleep tonight and we can all get a little rest, even if mommy wakes up every hour to make sure things are going well.

We are getting there..Here's a few cute pictures from Grandma Sally's visit last week.

Guess Who We Met!!!!!

Welcome Welcome Welcome

Miss Taryn Ryan

9lbs, 4.9 oz, 20 inches

Little Miss Fashionably Late Showed at 22:16 (10:16 pm)

The above two pictures are from yesterday, Grandma Sally came in and was shocked and almost speechless when the nurse rolled you in. We are not surprised, I mean your too pretty for words, Grandma Sally figured that out quickly. I was on the phone getting the insurance all worked out and you and Grandma Sally had a nice chat (see above) and you explained how our day went.



We didn't sleep well on Easter night, we had a lot going on and I think daddy and I were both freaked enough just getting to now. We slept about two solid hours, daddy slept a bit longer, which is good, he didn't sleep well the whole week. Got up around 5 and started the post below then got off line and finished getting ready. Repacked the overnight bag and got everything ready to go. I need to mention I was really scared at this point in time, the future holds something unknown and I didn't know where my range of emotions began or ended. The phone rang at 6:35 ish and the hospital told us we were ready to come in. We got everything in the car and were out the door before 7 and were checked in to the hospital before 8. Got in the room and were attached to machines that would deliver me fluids and medicine to start the contractions. We started slow but worked our way up and by noonish we were doing well. Daddy ran to the car to move things then went to grab a bite from the cafe. During that time my Dr came in (didn't expect him there that early) and actually broke my water himself. It was nice to have him there, something comforting that there was not just one more person I didn't know poking on us. Daddy came back in and Grandma Sandy stopped by with food (that I could not have) and he actually ate. Good thing, the day was just going to get longer. After my water was broken, the contractions did get stronger, I wanted to walk or sit on the ball but there was no good time to get set up while everything else was going on. We made it to 3 and then checked again and I had hit a 4, this is when they say I can have my epi, and so I did. We had piggybacked contractions for about an hour before and I was getting tired and needed the break. The dr came in and started setting up and I was getting freaked, I cried a bit but not as bad as I thought, I think I really held strong. Scared but set up, I finally could relax a bit and get a nap myself. I slept off and on from 4 to 6, having to wake up and roll over every half hour. It was nice to lay back and get some sleep. Checked again at 6:30 before Nurse Karen (super great nurse!) was leaving, we were at a strong 4/5 not enough change, ugg. Nurse Ginny came in and told me a story about the hula and prayer and how it helps with contractions and getting things moving. Cute, she was nice and really did help me out a lot. We also got a surprise of Grandma Judy coming up, that was unexpected. We did what we could but 8:3o came and we were still not moving along like we needed to. We did the above and beyond in the next hour, pumped up the pitocin to a 12/13 and started moving as much as we could to get things going as fast as we could. This was where the guilt kicked in that I took the epi instead of walking the halls or doing something else on my own. 9:30 came and went, Nurse Ginny checked one last time with a hope and a prayer, we were at a 7 but she was not moving down, Ginny said there was "just a lot of space" she didn't understand why this was happening, we were doing everything right, we were contracting beautifully and it just was not working.



By now, Grandma Judy and now Grandma Sandy were both there, and I was getting started to get prepped for this big and sudden change. I wanted to cry, long and loud, I was freaking out in my head but was trying to keep it all together because it really was not about me at this point, we had someone that needed me calm in order to have her life start well. Super Doc came in and got the ball rolling, checked me one last time and agreed with Ginny, we were contracting perfectly, did all we could there was nothing that I was not trying to get going but something was not right, she would not drop. This was the safe option and what we needed to do for both of us even if we wanted natural, we did all we could up until this point in time. Within a matter of minutes, there was a scrub nurse that popped her head in and introduced, an anaesthesia resident and Dr, my Dr, husband and random nurses all around. The grandmothers were sent off to the waiting room and I was already shot up with a crazy mix of cocktails, drinks, pills and injections. Off to the operating room we went, Bob soon to follow behind in his new paper attire. Going in the room everything happened quickly, I was moved from one bed to another, layed back and had to put my arms on two boards, more shots and changes and a screen that went up right in front of my face and everyone started working. Pressure on my stomach, changes happening so fast then Bob started taking pictures. Super said "Oh, now we know what caused it, shes sunny side up" so this means posterior or facing out and in the wrong position to come out naturally and or very easy. A moment later, hear him then say "Wow, she's big". Then more squishing and moving and Bob got to go with the nurse to weigh Taryn. Yes folks, you saw it here first. NINE POUNDS, all by herself, no wonder my back hurt. I normally would never subject another woman to having her photo taken on a scale of all things, but this is a one time shot and we can call some of it water weight ;) hee hee.

So, long story short, they cleaned me up and we went to recovery, where I proceeded to throw up my cocktail (that was not good going down and worse coming up but thankfully no aftertaste!) then settle into being so tired I could not function for about 20 minutes. We got in a little quality time before visitors started showing up (grandmas there, remember) and they went with daddy to the nursery while they cleaned Taryn up and got her in APGAR checked (we got a 9/8 btw) so all is well, 10 fingers, 10 toes, good looks, good brain and what more can you ask for? We did really well!
So, today starts a new story, thankfully one that includes me losing weight, touching my toes soon and this beautiful new girl. Should get exciting from here, Taryn and I are sitting in bed looking at her hands. She has Grandma Sally and my hands, and yes Aunt Lisa, she did already mention piano lessons. Hope everyone enjoyed the pictures, sorry there are not more, we don't have a lot of excitement after the delivery, we are all just getting to know one another.

Expectations.....

Well, I guess I can still hope to have this kid naturally. I am really wanting to go tomorrow.. The 22nd would mean a lot to me. Tyler would be so excited too, I mean it was his birthday first. Either way we are almost there, I don't know what to expect, but then again....

Looking back I guess I didn't expect my belly to be the size it really is today. I didn't expect to have big dry patches on my arms, have to use special soaps, have so many emotions, outbursts, thankfully not so much heartburn, swelling when I know I eat bad and sit for too long, and my hair not to grow almost at all for a year. I didn't expect my fingernails to thin, my hips to hurt so bad I can't sit or lay in one place for over 45 minutes, to fall in love with any type of body pillow, to actually be warmer when I sleep than I was before, for my allergies to really calm down a lot and not to curse myself in 3 days of having this baby but I have not mentioned once that I have not had a migraine (knock on wood) the whole time. That is a HUGE DEAL! I expected to like foods that I normally don't, didn't really happen but I did eat more tomato's and beef, no change for pickles, don't know if I expected to have morning sickness, that I didn't get, I didn't know I would not like sausage, vinegar, and egg rolls, and sweets would make my stomach turn, I didn't expect that God would ever let a pregnant woman go without ice cream but this one didn't like it at all, and who knew that my fingers would be so dry that they would crack and bleed, but only the thumb and first finger. I have not had that happen in years, I worked in billing and shuffled paper the last time it did, that's how I found out I was allergic to paper. I didn't expect to have my belly button go inside out, EWW! I have always had great stomach muscle control, I only pray that I get that back, and my belly button goes back to where it belongs.
I didn't know what to expect with Bob, but he's really been great, only one more test (Zoiks!) I didn't expect to get a creative slump for 10 months, that kinda sucked, I didn't expect to lose all my sleep before she even gets here, and speaking of that, I didn't expect that she would be a she. I didn't expect that I would not get my way on her name either, it's really nice that Bob has an opinion and I am glad we are figuring this out together. I didn't expect my job would change, but that's got nothing to do with this. I expected the room to be done faster, I expected that i would have some yoga like quality and be able to bend like I normally can, I expected that I would still have no problem driving but my belly would touch the steering wheel (yes, I am nutty and holey cow would that have been a lot!).
I expected that I would feel all maternal and get some 6th sense of what needed to be done and just do it before it was even time. I suppose I am so scared now because my friends said the same things and were shocked when their babies were not listening to their spidey sense. I didn't expect to be so scared, I didn't expect to worry so much already, I didn't expect that I would look so forward to a Dr's visit because it was the only thing that was telling me everything is fine. I didn't expect that contractions would feel like cramps, I didn't really ever get cramps before this. I also didn't expect that I would lose so much of my mind, I can normally remember a lot and keep things in order for the household, not happening so much these days. I think the big thing is I didn't expect the experience to be all that it is, there have been really great times, things that have made Bob and I closer than we were before, things that got me more in tune with my body and my mind.
I expected that I would be able to relax and read, never happened, just the same line or page over and over.
I should have expected that everything in life changes and this is just one of those things, one of those crazy, great, wonderful, scary, hard, sucky, mean, thankful, everyday things...

Week three at home starting alone..

We are past almost there.. I waited for the DR to all on Friday with no luck. So, I get to call the office tomorrow and I am already not happy about having to deal with his office staff to get a hold of him ever. I expect tomorrow will be better but he and I will have a talk if it's not I am almost sick of the dealings with some of the people and other Dr's in that office.
Well, all of you that wanted a St. Patty's day baby better start praying and or doing you thang to get her here.
Mom came over on Friday and we went to Ruby Tuesdays, it was good. We both got the salad bar and got one half order of Mini Turkey Burgers, with 2 sides, one baby portobello mushrooms and one broccoli. No matter what I get there, it's always too much food. Still, it was really good.
We went to the grocery store after then came back here and cleaned up my sewing room, which was a God sent, I was so overwhelmed with that room I didn't know where to start to get it cleaned up. So, 2 things 1. I am going to post pictures of the baby's room and 2 pictures of my recent work.

The Bedroom pictures will be in another blog either above or below this one. The first picture is the closet with 5 containers of fabric in there, YIKES! One container is Bob's fault because when I made his hoodie, I bought fleece, thinking that's what he wanted, so I have the yardage to make a hoodie but he wanted some hippie hoodie.. I plan to make my mom sweat pants with the leftovers, I just have not gotten there yet. I have one more container than needs to make it's way in the closet but I have to figure out where. There is a ton of coats and jackets in there and this is the closet where we keep our sheets and pillows so it's pretty full, soft but full!

I made this blanket and burp cloth from some scrap I spent about $1.50 on and the cotton filling inside was probably about a buck too.. so, cute and about $2.50 without labor. Bob says he likes it and it's very spring/Eastery.
The Burps below are so cute, Baseballs, I did a red stitching that is a baseball stitch (kind of) it's for Stef and Adam's soon to be little one. I am kind of disappointed that I didn't get enough pictures of the ones I made as gifts for my neighbors new nephew, they left town already but for some stupid reason I didn't take pictures of all of what I made. I have no idea where my brain is these days.









P.S. Kate, yours is almost done, it's the edging that needs to be completed, I may finish it tomorrow if I get the chance. (It's still out and on the couch)

I am trying not to start on anything big/new or time consuming because this is our spare bedroom and I need to make sure there is room if someone is going to actually sleep in here after she's born. Not the baby, my mother or Bob's sister, or Step Mom.

P.S.S. Can we maybe get some role call in here, I would like to know who's out there reading... Sure would like to know if some people in San Fran have addresses yet, any New Yorkers are around and if they feel any better, any friends either at work or beyond are checking in even if I didn't call Arica back yet (gulp) and Melissa called the hospital today because I didn't call her back while I was in the shower... Someones going to need to get me a medic alert bracelet.. I've showered and have not had a baby yet, maybe a clapper, or one of those police collars for at the hospital arrest. You can e-mail if you don't want to leave a comment... Those that have left comments with names or at least something that distinguishes them from others, I know your there and thanks, lots of love and hugs from here, I really appreciate the support!

Groundhog Day reminded me, What about Bob?

It made me giggle to think of Groundhog's Day (the movie of course) and if you have not seen it, SEE IT.. It's so funny! So anyway, the movie reminded me of Bill Murray and that always reminds me of What about Bob The movie.. which now makes me giggle because, well if you have seen it you know that everything is about "baby steps" for this man in his life and now we all know we are for sure taking steps to baby.

So, I wanted to take some time and thank my wonderful Husband, Bob. He's been so supportive and understanding thru this whole crazy time and really has been a champ. There is no one else that would put up with all of the things that women go through in pregnancy other than a husband that really loves them. There is no one that puts up with tears over going to the gas station, trips to the store for $8 of Clementine's (2ish times each week), lots of milk, even more rolling over in the middle of the night to take up the bed, a few nice whacks in the head by accident when turning over, 11 different colors of paint for one room, everything pink (not really for me), unloading the car 4 times and putting things together, driveway shoveling, rental car arguments so we have 4 to all wheel drive, parenting classes and all day hospital visits, giving your daughter the world on her wall before shes even born, understanding the importance of having a glider and not a rocking chair, letting me sleep even if you want o relax and watch Seinfield, researching cribs until your eyes bulge, dealing with family, BOTH SIDES, at a shower, and being a champ, smoking outside (not even in the garage) even when it's 13 outside, helping with dishes, glasses of water day or night, sometimes both, endless hours of painting, helping with washing clothes, and hanging on tiny hanger, helping with thank you cards and silly stickers and return address labels without your name on them (oops they were free!), putting up with people when we have no picked out a name, helping me eat my cocoa puffs, getting me a coke, diet coke, caffeine free diet coke, coke zero all trying to get the right thing when you could not find what I asked for, putting up with the cold house, cold car, and a cold work, being the super driver and saving us from a worse accident, going to Mimi's after going to register even if you did want mexican, having to say "oh that is cute" enough to make you really want to puke, being a good sport, watching reruns of Grey's just because we are home sick and I can't sleep, cutting down trees in the back yard that the storm killed, being a great guy (of course), eating the rest of anything I can't finish, and just being Bob...

Babe, I love you, thanks for everything...

Family Shower

So the family shower was this weekend, both sides showed. It was a lot of fun. My sister got he great idea to get a cupcake cake that was a great idea and scary at the same time. Here is the cake. If you click on the image, you will see what I think of every times I see this cuppa cake (as Hannah calls it), the other image going thru my head. (Each word in blue is a link). From what I understand of my husbands childhood, we could end up with the real Baby Buggy Bunny.
(thanks to the site)
We had a great time. Pasta House catered and everyone loved the food. It was so good and so much fun for the kids and adults to get a bit of everything that we don't get everyday. The boys were having a great time hiding out in back looking at cars while the girls were in side with presents (and the Baby-FaceFinster cuppa cake cake). WE got a ton of stuff that we needed, a night light security camera (guess who broke that out as soon as we got home!) and wanted me to shut off all the lights in the kitchen while I was trying to put things away.
We got another great book by another great Hannah and Anissa. Eight Silly Monkeys was a hit.
We also got One Fish, Two Fish, When we Were Young, Now We are Six, Baby Animal Farm, Baby's first Photo Book, and some of Bob's Hardy Boy's Books.
It was a great time had by all, more on it later, I am too tired to keep going tonight but I wanted to get a few things out here before I start my thank you cards.

Lost in translation.. What is normal?

I know these blogs should be fluffy and upbeat but this is my yuck weekend, so just skip and come back later. I gotta get this out.

I am having a hard time this weekend keeping my mind settled and where it needs to be. I have a relationship that I thought was good, or going in a good direction and now think i never really knew anything about this person. I feel that one of the more important things in life is honestly and without that there is nothing real. I worked so hard my whole life not to be a victim or be "that kid", "that broken home kid" or "poor her, poor anything". I have worked to not let too many people know who I really am in pain inside and it made things worse for me. I worked so hard to make sure that only the good showed and I was putting on my best act, lying to everyone around me and myself. Then came that time in my life that I need to find me, and after 10 years and a lot of work, I really feel I found that person. I am not perfect, I am not beautiful, or even thin anymore, but I am honest and I am a good person and that is being tested right now in me and I am having such a hard time understanding how I worked so hard to get close to someone that just lied to me and never told me the truth. I can't work on a relationship based on lies and or the wonder of what is real and what is not. I am having such a hard time, I need to call the Dr on Monday, maybe it is a phase, maybe it's like having a period, feels like that time of the month, crying and trying to keep myself composed isn't working. I have had friends that were depressed when they were pregnant and say it's horrible, I am in that perfect time frame for it to kick in, I have no control over my life and I am soon responsible for another. Great.. I am broken hearted, weak and can't keep it together, and soon I will be sleep deprived, alone with a newborn and expected to handle it all. I know in my mind that I can do this but I have friends right now that have newborns and can't seem to get or keep themselves out of bed. I am afraid, I know that Bob is great but he is going to have to work. I don't want to be this weak broken person and I am going to do my best to keep my head up, get sunlight, exercise and stay positive. I wish there was an honest way to know what women in generations before ours did. I mean there must be something that helps, that does not make you need medication, or hours of therapy. I have looked in all my books and it all says that one stupid word... Normal. It's NORMAL to have emotional breakdowns and cry for no or some stupid reason in your third trimester. It's normal to have a 3 week old baby that you are trying to breastfeed and drinking more Pepsi than eating food. It's normal to lie in bed at 2 am wondering what goes on in there, did you feel enough movement today? Why isn't anything moving now? Then lie there for another 2 hours until the baby wakes up and moves and you get at least those "normal" 10 kicks.
What a shitty shitty day... what a crazy crazy ramble. I am off to try to figure out my curtains, try to make some baby presents for others and God willing, get my sewing room cleaned up. I think it's time for a new Audio book... Eat, Pray is almost over and it's time for something new.

Don't push me cuz I'm close to the Edgee.......

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge

I'm trying not to lose my head, ah huh-huh-huh

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep from going under

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep from going under

Ok, I give.. I am breaking down as I type. I can't take much more and really I give in to everything. I can't handle any more. Give me a break, I am emotionally a wreck, I can't think I can't speak and worse I don't need to hear every horrible thing that I have done or said to anyone RIGHT NOW! Give me 3 months, not respect for me but respect for my daughter. Give her the right to not have to deal with me sobbing for 3 hours every night this week, allow her some peace of giving me sleep.
I give I really do.. I don't have full control over my emotions, my hormones, my body or anything else. I allow me to make mistakes so if you can't allow me to make mistakes then don't talk to me right now. I can't deal, I can't take it I can't sleep I can't handle it. OK.

I GIVE!

http://www.baby.com/view.aspx?pid=197&cid=176&src=gg
Article that came into my inbox today, and really not a surprise after this week.

Week 21 ish.. overwhelmed...

I am not sure why I am feeling so overwhelmed these days. It could be the holidays coming up and I have a hard time not being with family and that hits home worse this year with so much else going on. I am having a hard time with the MIL she seems to say things without thinking first and then her only backup to what she says is to insult herself (because that makes things better??).
So it's coming down to another Thanksgiving and Christmas, actually the last for just Bob and I. It's odd... This time next year everything will be different, and I hope the room is actually pained by then.
So, I have to figure out paint colors and make sure we still agree on themes. I started my registry on Amazon, but just of the things I think that I need and some things that I have heard and read great reviews on. We were going to go register this weekend after we found out SHE's a she. But that didn't happen. I started some odd pre-nesting, I think its because I can still sit and bend in ways that I won't be able to soon. I cleaned out under the bathroom cabinet and the kitchen lower shelves and higher items. Also lifted the heavier pots and pans so I can reach them easier later. Pre Nesting? I would say yes but I still didn't mop and I didn't finish up the dishes until tonight.
I am getting a bit more of an urge to sew, I didn't have it for a long time but I need to get some things done for Christmas and want to send over Presents for the Thanksgiving gang in VA.
Mom is going on a long vacation in April, I am really sad about that.. Baby Mc will be less than a month old when she leaves, (depending on birth date and actual leaving date, could be a lot less) and I am sad, I think more because I will still be at home then and thought it would be good bonding time for all of us, I will be able to move and go a bit more by then and she'll be gone. Oh well, I know, get over it.... Things could be worse, some of my friends mothers live out of state...
Today was good, my brother was in with his two girls and they are so cute and so well behaved it just makes everything happy and I can't wait to be there.
TTFN...

Week 18. Captian's log, will I ever sleep again?

Captains' log, 15th October the natives are getting restless, one is snoring in my face half the night and the other bouncing on my bladder. I have a feeling they are trying to wear me down until I am unwilling to fight back and just order pizza all the time.
Somethings going on that is stopping me from sleeping. Something between 2 and 3:30 am. Could be family stress from that horrible woman sending hate mail or it could be that I am more afraid that I won't wake up if a baby cries. I am not thinking so much the latter only because I know it's not here yet, I don't need to get up yet. Who knows, I even tried a benedryl and it didn't work. I talked to my sister in law tonight on the phone and she said, "you are just like your brother, he can sleep thru anything, it takes over 20 seconds for him to even realize I am shaking him.. I will never have that again :'( I would be ok if I could just sleep, even if I did get up t o "go" I can normally fall back asleep after. Some people say, get up if you can't fall back asleep after 10 minutes, go read or move around for 20 minutes or so then go back to bed. That won't work for me.

Well, I am at my pseudo half way mark this week. I hit #19 in a few short days... I also have an ultrasound tomorrow. I can still see most of my feet, I am out about 3 to 4 inches from where I started.. I used to have great abs, that will happen again one day.. I hope. Gulp....