I'm to Sexy,,, oh forget it! TMI entry, some may want to skip.

You always ask people how they felt after having a baby, and you normally hear things like "well it hurts a little but pretty good" or "I feel great, can't wait to get back in shape" or maybe those that you want to smack that say "I already lost all my baby weight". So my impersonal answer to this question for those that have called " I feel good, it's not what you expect, having a C but thankfully, I feel really good. The nurses in the hospital said I was doing really well so I can't complain". So truth? I really do feel pretty good but I am taking an insane amount of medication right now so of course I am going to feel good. I look down and see my belly is still a lot there and can't wait to get it down, I am scared that it's not going to go down but I am hopeful that it will. My body is continuing to change, my dry hands are starting to come back to life my feet are still really swollen but I am trying to give it another week so I can be normal again, drinking lots of water. My scar is not that bad, I didn't expect to have the scar but really it's not so bad. My second set of stitches in my life. EVER. The first was on my neck, I never had them as a child. Odd. Now for the fun part. My boobs... My boobs hurt so bad and they are so swollen that I can't even remember how cute and perky they were before... Like an old friend, gone but not forgotten. I got out of the shower tonight (what started the too sexy) and realized I am wearing underwear bigger than most shorts that I ever wore in my 20s and I keep feeling this drip on my leg and foot, I keep patting my hair and it just continues more and more, I look down and I am dripping all over the place. People without kids, this is what your friends don't tell you, that they get a mind of their own, and once your milk comes in they get hard as a rock. Remember when you fell that one time? and you got a knot on your leg? Shin? Foot? Head? and it was really hard and swollen? That's what happens to your poor boobs. So, I have a person cut my stomach open and pull another person out, I have a scar and injury from that, and if I didn't there would be more traumatic things going on down there, you have to wear maxi pads like you were in 7th grade again (traumatic enough) and another set in your bra. Here's the fun part, if you get to take a nap and the baby sleeps longer than normal, you wake up to 1. a crying baby and you have a hard enough time getting out of bed, 2. boobs that are not solid as a rock and you have to try to feed someone with them (ouch) and 3. maxi pads in your bra that have now filled with liquid so they fall on your lap (upside down of course) when you go to adjust yourself for "lunch". Now, there are two things I can promise with the above, 1. Emilie, Karla, Rebekah and Kris are cracking up right now, and 2.they all have one thing that I missed in my above statement and I am sure it's not the same from any of them.
That's it... I have another post to add but that's about Taryn so I wanted to add this one first so it sat lower in the listings and people could skip it if they wanted.

Expectations.....

Well, I guess I can still hope to have this kid naturally. I am really wanting to go tomorrow.. The 22nd would mean a lot to me. Tyler would be so excited too, I mean it was his birthday first. Either way we are almost there, I don't know what to expect, but then again....

Looking back I guess I didn't expect my belly to be the size it really is today. I didn't expect to have big dry patches on my arms, have to use special soaps, have so many emotions, outbursts, thankfully not so much heartburn, swelling when I know I eat bad and sit for too long, and my hair not to grow almost at all for a year. I didn't expect my fingernails to thin, my hips to hurt so bad I can't sit or lay in one place for over 45 minutes, to fall in love with any type of body pillow, to actually be warmer when I sleep than I was before, for my allergies to really calm down a lot and not to curse myself in 3 days of having this baby but I have not mentioned once that I have not had a migraine (knock on wood) the whole time. That is a HUGE DEAL! I expected to like foods that I normally don't, didn't really happen but I did eat more tomato's and beef, no change for pickles, don't know if I expected to have morning sickness, that I didn't get, I didn't know I would not like sausage, vinegar, and egg rolls, and sweets would make my stomach turn, I didn't expect that God would ever let a pregnant woman go without ice cream but this one didn't like it at all, and who knew that my fingers would be so dry that they would crack and bleed, but only the thumb and first finger. I have not had that happen in years, I worked in billing and shuffled paper the last time it did, that's how I found out I was allergic to paper. I didn't expect to have my belly button go inside out, EWW! I have always had great stomach muscle control, I only pray that I get that back, and my belly button goes back to where it belongs.
I didn't know what to expect with Bob, but he's really been great, only one more test (Zoiks!) I didn't expect to get a creative slump for 10 months, that kinda sucked, I didn't expect to lose all my sleep before she even gets here, and speaking of that, I didn't expect that she would be a she. I didn't expect that I would not get my way on her name either, it's really nice that Bob has an opinion and I am glad we are figuring this out together. I didn't expect my job would change, but that's got nothing to do with this. I expected the room to be done faster, I expected that i would have some yoga like quality and be able to bend like I normally can, I expected that I would still have no problem driving but my belly would touch the steering wheel (yes, I am nutty and holey cow would that have been a lot!).
I expected that I would feel all maternal and get some 6th sense of what needed to be done and just do it before it was even time. I suppose I am so scared now because my friends said the same things and were shocked when their babies were not listening to their spidey sense. I didn't expect to be so scared, I didn't expect to worry so much already, I didn't expect that I would look so forward to a Dr's visit because it was the only thing that was telling me everything is fine. I didn't expect that contractions would feel like cramps, I didn't really ever get cramps before this. I also didn't expect that I would lose so much of my mind, I can normally remember a lot and keep things in order for the household, not happening so much these days. I think the big thing is I didn't expect the experience to be all that it is, there have been really great times, things that have made Bob and I closer than we were before, things that got me more in tune with my body and my mind.
I expected that I would be able to relax and read, never happened, just the same line or page over and over.
I should have expected that everything in life changes and this is just one of those things, one of those crazy, great, wonderful, scary, hard, sucky, mean, thankful, everyday things...

Where has the time gone?

Wow, we are almost at full term! This is crazy! I am so ready and yet not ready at all. My body is hurting and huge and swelling some days and not so limber anymore, my mind is restless, and excited and scared and my hear is just open and ready! I spoke to a friend of mine the other day that explained the people that really love you and want to come help will come and help with the things around the house so you can spend more time with the baby. I like this idea and think its great that theres help around the house and the allowed time for me to bond these first few weeks. Everyone seems to make this about them right now, when do they get to hold the baby and when do they get to do this with the baby. Grandma Sandy seems to have the same ideals, help the mom bond and then spend quality time with the baby later. It's just nice to hear that once she's here I don't come in last.
So, I went to Target today and got the changing table. It's not bad, it will come in handy and then it will go in the closet to double as a "dresser" as needed to hold socks and other small items. I have to admit, I am fed up with target and the attitude of the employees out here, it's hard to go to this Target, and try to support our local schools and taxes when the people working there have such a poor attitude about what pays their checks. I have a feeling I may end up doing to the one a few miles away and they are smarter about making sure they understand customer service. Just a vent...
I know I have no entered a post about the girls shower yet, I am disappointed in myself for not doing it yet. I got such cute stuff and I need to take some pictures and the ROOM IS DONE!! Ok, painted, not done, because I am sitting in the center of it typing this now, but the paint is done and the bed is in, I need to wash the bedding but Bob was so sweet to put it on the bed to show me when I got up what it looked like all set up. Yes, I know What the hell and where are the pictures, (oh I can feel Peggy giving me the eye!) I got almost all the clothes washed, and the bedding set goes in tomorrow.
**Need help alert**
How much clothes does a newborn need? How many outfits, sleepers etc does a baby need from 0 to 3 months?
I am wondering if I have what I need, I think we are good unless theres a big gallery opening or award show coming up. We have a lot of sleepers, not a lot of outfits, we have tons of summer clothes that range in size perfectly to 6 to 9 months, so I hope she does not plan on growing too fast there are some really cute ones that we need to try out!

Reason for no shower blog yet, Hospital Visit #2:
Captains log:
The night shift at the "WE-U"(Womens Evaluation Unit) is so much nicer than the day crew. Not so happy that they had the teaching staff on and they don't ASK if you want the learning nurses in but oh well. The Male Midwife was a jerk but whatever, I will just ask for him to be replaced if he comes in again. There is no need to be tested when your having contractions and as soon as he understands that the better.
Either or, so the story goes:
Got up at normal time and got ready, got in the car and noticed about 5 to 10 minutes into the drive that my stomach was really hard, hmm... odd. So, I look at the clock and then I start to wonder, is this a contraction? I wait, 5 minutes exactly later (6:27) tightens up again, this happens every 5 minutes for the next 3 hours, all exactly 5 minutes apart, not strong, not hard but consistent. I am drinking TONS of water (2 32 oz cups, is a lot from the time I got to work) so finally I give in, we call the Dr.'s office and they don't answer their phone till after 9 ( I am getting really frustrated with this office) so we are physically standing at the counter of the WE-U waiting for the nurse to say if I should come in the office or go to (stay at) the WE-U. She says "go" to the WE-U and so we stay, get settled in and bob is already on the phone with the insurance company again and the car dealer ship to see when we finally get our car back. With that settled, they hook me up to the monitors and we wait. Somehow Bob go the remote so we get to watch 5 to 8 seconds of every channel the hospital has for around 45 minutes. Around 10:30 or 10:45 they say my contractions are not strong enough and I am not dilated far enough and send me home for bed rest and humility. Oh well, I knew it was not TIME but when things are not right, you gotta get it all checked out. So, the next morning I wake up for work (yes smart asses it's close enough to 24 hours) I get up and get in the shower, start getting ready and things seem odd. I can breathe a bit better, I can reach in some ways better and in others not so well at all, getting in the car is a lot harder (and driving is not so easy) but I feel better, must be the oxygen, who knows, but I dropped and in grosser news (anyone that can't take it skip this next part) lost my plug. Not a big big deal but when I called the Dr.s' office this time they seemed more I hate to say excited but active to my call and what was going on. All they told me is the next step is labor and start watching. Lindsey (3 weeks behind me) told me she dropped a few weeks ago and it's no sign for her. Well, we've waited this long, lets keep going.
Alright, these ramblings have gone on long enough. I h ave a Dr appt tomorrow then off to Melissa's and back before Bob notices. He's very concerned with me going into labor these days, he even got me a "sitter" for when he goes out next weekend, too bad I can't enjoy staying up late!

Room Update - Flowers are done(ish)

I was so excited about the shower that I forgot the room. Bob worked so hard to get the flowers done and outlined. I didn't get an updated picture of the outlines but here are the flower/leaf things. Even if he did sit on my brand new Yellow Fabric for the curtains! It will be so nice to not see blue tape all over the place. We may even get the bed in here someday. I didn't take a picture on the yellow wall but can use that one is as the final once the outline is done.





















So, the green shirt picture is from December 21st. (I think is the date on the camera) and the other is from today, while trying to get laundry together, take pictures of the room and figure out where to put shower presents until we have the computer out of here and the room in order. The world sumo organization is planning to call soon. I am waiting, I am just not so sure about the diapers... Did I happen to mention I used to have a real six pack? I mean a real one. I can't find the pictures right now, I would cry. Ohh, the abs! The Abs!

painting and pillows

I finally gave in and bought myself a pregnancy pillow. It's wonderful so far, I have not used it on a work day yet but I have made it thru 2 nights with more sleep than I have had in a week and a half. This kid is growing now so fast that I can't seem to keep up, I don't know what to do about the next few weeks (10 weeks) but I got a new Yoga dvd on the way to help me stretch or something to make this more uncomfortable on me. I have always joked with friends that you would never actually get the nerve to have a baby (the actual birthing part) if you were not so uncomfortable that you just wanted some pain relief. I guess this is what is going to happen so I get to that point. Either way, this one pillow took the place of 3 (yes 3) king size pillows on my bed. Bob must be happy that he has room again.

On to paint... Bob got the start of the flowers done and North America ( I think one coat) I finished 2 coats on the Pac Rim and a coat on Antarctica. I am going to start South America Tonight, it's been hard on my body to sit on the floor and or sit on an uncomfortable chair trying to paint a wall with a small brush.. It may be time to give in for a massage soon.

All in all, things are going well here, lots of kicks going on around Christmas and thankfully everyone was nice, not saying things about my weight gain and or telling me what I need or should be doing. Except one comment from my mother but we won't get into that.
The nieces came in and we had a nice Christmas, lost of fun and running like mad, I think they were not so happy with me not running as fast or as much and or holding anyone as much this visit, but it was still great.

Either or, pictures to come, I have to keep painting now while the sun and lighting is good, I will take some photos after the sun is not on the wall.

Life is good... Take a look at my world right now...

Week 28 - Christmas -

I have been thinking about all of the things I am thankful for and really wanted to take the time to write some things out.
I am thankful for:
Bob, Family, Friends, work and Bob working too, health, pregnancy, home, our yard and house, our great neighbors, chilly days and warm coats, laughs, tears, voices and having one, red toenail polish, sewing, art, music,....
a few other things to be thankful for:
not being able to see my thighs right now, being able to see my toes still, the memory that I did have a 6 pack once in my life (even if I never get it back, or feel that way now), alarm clocks, hot showers, Christmas cookies, youth, memories, clementines, cute (comfey) shoes, nieces, the ABC song, polly pockets, no traffic, snow when you can be at home to enjoy it.

Week 26 in 2 days.

Wow, Week 26 already here... I am thinking I should be freaking out, washing things, getting things ready and have everything together by now but I don't. It's Christmas time and we are just getting ready to paint the room. I h ave been home for 2 days this week, semi relaxing and feeling the stress melting a bit from work, until the calls start coming in, people with questions and or issues. I have tried not to take too many and the ones that come from friends are the worst, you feel guilty not helping them.
The belly is there, boy is it ever... I am trying to keep my posture set but that is hard too, the pack pain is really starting. I feel for people with back pain, I just want to stretch and pull and do sit ups and miss my core muscles more that I realized. I also miss my old body more than I realized too. I started to let myself go before getting pregnant so now I am not in as good of shape as I would have liked to start in but I am more set on getting back in better shape after. My friend across the street is going to give me her old pack n play to keep in my basement for when I walk on the treadmill. I am so excited about that! I didn't want to register for too much but I really would have liked an extra one, this is going to come in so handy.
I also didn't' register at Babies R Us and they have the glider that I really want so that makes me sad. I told Angie to tell the girls and gave her a picture of it. I feel like i am asking for so much but really I spent hundreds on my friends so I have to remember friendship and not money.
I have not been doing well on my water at home, I don't have that paper cup in front of me with my markings on it 8 a.m. drink by 10. 10 am drink by 12. 1:25 drink faster! But closets are cleaner, the stove is cleaned up, junk is picked up and I have removed some of the clutter from my life. Even my neighbor took some ornaments that I hand painted because she loved them.. HAHAH,, I miss my creative side, this kid is going to do a lot, she;s sucking all of my creativity out of me, so it's going to good use.
Emilie and Rebekah are both coming to term. I won't see Emilie, she's going in on the Monday that I return to work. Good chance that Rebekah is going in that day too... I am going to need to find a walking pal. Kim seems interested, it's a good time to get to know her better too. She's 19 weeks I think. Super sweet girl, I just never really worked with her to know better.
I am having a harder time, sitting on the floor, and moving around, getting up and for some stupid reason, I had the feeling I could hike my butt up on the counter top tonight..Oh shit did that hurt! I swear I knocked this kid up 2 to 3 inches. I had to put one leg up sidways then hoist my self on the counter. This body is so foreign to me, 3 more months, then I go back to my 5 month size and work my way down. That's what all the books say, get ready to leave the hospital in what would fit your belly at 5 months. 1 year after that, I should be almost normal again, and then she will start walking and I will be running and yelling NO, don't touch that a lot. hee hee.. I am ready, I am so ready for the rest of this.

Week 18. Captian's log, will I ever sleep again?

Captains' log, 15th October the natives are getting restless, one is snoring in my face half the night and the other bouncing on my bladder. I have a feeling they are trying to wear me down until I am unwilling to fight back and just order pizza all the time.
Somethings going on that is stopping me from sleeping. Something between 2 and 3:30 am. Could be family stress from that horrible woman sending hate mail or it could be that I am more afraid that I won't wake up if a baby cries. I am not thinking so much the latter only because I know it's not here yet, I don't need to get up yet. Who knows, I even tried a benedryl and it didn't work. I talked to my sister in law tonight on the phone and she said, "you are just like your brother, he can sleep thru anything, it takes over 20 seconds for him to even realize I am shaking him.. I will never have that again :'( I would be ok if I could just sleep, even if I did get up t o "go" I can normally fall back asleep after. Some people say, get up if you can't fall back asleep after 10 minutes, go read or move around for 20 minutes or so then go back to bed. That won't work for me.

Well, I am at my pseudo half way mark this week. I hit #19 in a few short days... I also have an ultrasound tomorrow. I can still see most of my feet, I am out about 3 to 4 inches from where I started.. I used to have great abs, that will happen again one day.. I hope. Gulp....

backward? forward?

It's funny how sometimes people say things that make you wonder what they were really trying to say. Like "you don't look nearly as fat today" or "the swelling on your legs and face really has gone down, must have been the salt". Who says that? What is a real compliment?
I wondered where it came from that I say things that may be off color or out of the norm for me but others around me are really shining thru too.


These hormones are killing me.,,,

Week 16- MONTH 4 - Showing..

I started showing somewhere at the end of week 15 and start of week 16 and yeah, it's so odd. I used to be so thin in the center that this is really odd and hard for me.. I mean your ass never gets in the way when your trying to bend over and tie your shoes.
So, with that said, I guess it's time to cover my mouth.. Literally! I seem to have started this way of thinking (it must be the view that everyone else things my body is public now) that makes me say things to people that maybe they just don't want to hear...
Examples -
1. Spoke to Brother in law about going into labor and water breaking (he may need professional help now)
2. I seem to make it public information when I need to go to the bathroom
3. Had birthing conversation with one of the VP's at work, male, he was fine with it and even told me a few things I didn't know, but really would have never had this conversation with him.. EVER..

I am getting ready to register soon. Our BIG Ultrasound is on Halloween and I am starting to have second thought about finding out the sex.. Opinions please.. what do u think? (add a comment)