when it rains.......

It's about to rain, of course, because I actually sat down to type. HA! Isn't that the way it goes? We are going on vacation soon, so we are trying too many things at once, potty training of course is going to go on hold/ nil while in travel, it's not going to happen while we are at someone else's house I am sure, and the Dr said we need to cut off the sippy for real cups and get rid of the security blankets so the thumb sucking stops... On top of the fact that she's been sleeping on an air mattress to get ready for the trip, and sleep without a pack n play.. Which works out well, except naps.
We had 2 nap times this weekend, nope, correct that, we had 3 nap TIMES, we had 1 nap. Saturday we started out in the air bed, along with the video player, 3 Max & Ruby's it ended up with 1 naked girl, a hand held video game, 2 blankets, 3 pillows and an air mattress - PEED on! Sigh.. it was distressing but I didn't give up. She did get changed and in a full tight diaper and was put in the crib as punishment while I cleaned it up and cleaned the air mattress that daddy had to HOSE OFF and dried by fan. Fun stuff - she did fall asleep for about an hour, so that worked out a little... for laundry.
Sunday, we tried to just do the crib (yes, today) and I didn't pay attention that she was only wearing her pull up - v - diaper, easy to remove.. and did... and peed.... not once, but twice!!!!!in bed, 2nd load of pee'd on laundry? Nope, thankfully I didn't start that load, because as I set her down she then peed on the floor, and picked out "panties" and little did I know it was the first time she picked underwear and peed again in them moments later. Where does all of this pee come from??? Is she holding some back so she can mark that she's boss?? I don't get it, it was in a matter of a half hour and frustrating as hell. After the pee on the floor she picked the only pair of clean washable training pants. I don't need to tell you, do I? Laundry load started.. diapers on and away we go. Frustrated and tired... that was just me!
So, off to our vacation coming sooner than I expected, I am starting to get everything ready now, knowing I am PRE packing. Which means not much gets packed but I start an insane amount of lists. We are all taking on dinner while we are there, which is nice, easy and will make everyone less stressed. Nice.
We picked pork loin.. my favorite meal, because it's grilled and all I get is sides :) I'm not sure what to make for sides, an easy salad of course, maybe grilled veggies?? any ideas?

Day 2 - Step 2

Day two of No FB. It's not as bad as I was expecting, except I feel out of the loop. I went to a meeting last night and everyone was posting pictures and being silly and that was probably the hardest time of the day to not go see what everyone put out there. Other than that, it's not bad.
Last night was harder going to my Tupperware meeting knowing I am now the black sheep and going to another teams meeting was not as fun as I was expecting. It's been one month, I've had no party, no orders and am really down about it all. Not that I "need" new friends, not that I even "need" to sell Tupperware, it was fun for me and it's lost it's joy. That makes me sad, I have some big decisions to make and it's going in the direction of not selling anymore.
I did sign up to "sell" Wildtree, but only so I could have samples and discounts. I am thinking maybe direct sales is not for me right now. I am so torn.

Step Two - I am back on my blog, and am into two days of posting. I am glad, I feel I more often than not, need to say my peace more than be heard or have someone reply. The FB was requiring me to be dependant on feedback, I wanted it, I wanted to see someone reply to what I was saying, like I needed an audience. I don't. I started this blog for me, and it needs to continue to be for me, for T and for Big B. I am glad to step back from that... I am glad that I am now realizing that I am writing for me more than for anyone else. Now that T is starting to talk more I want to put into writing things she says, funny things she does and fun things we do together. I will, I can, I want to share these things with others but in the end, I want the memory for me.

good..
therapy over, getting up off the couch now :D

T's story of the day - this morning playing - picture this her hands and feet talk now, so hand who stands up palm out wrist down and fingers up and together, walking (hop hop hop) and says "No foot! I was playing with that first" -- Foot, who is the LEFT foot, the right is not named foot.. Left foot says "sigh, I'm sad" and hides under the blanket... Hand bunches into a fist and walks away, "I'm mad!" -- Do I get involved in these 'arguments?'
Long story short - hand goes back and plays with her baby from her doll house and POP foot comes back out from under the blanket and says "I'm back!!"
YEAH!! All is well in the world

12 steps.. Step 1

I feel I have an addiction to FB. I need to get off my kick and get back to life. I've been spending too much time reading up on some people that I don't even speak to, why is that?
I know I've been on my blog this year about, lets say close to nil. I have no readers left but that's ok. I need to do this more for me than anyone else, so if you are out there, please drop a note so I know, just in case I ramble.

I went back to bed this morning after B got up. He came up around 8 so that was nice to sleep in past 10 after my week "off" and that didn't give me any relaxation. I set my priorities around the wrong things. I did get a few things done and one friend of mine actually had the nerve to say "so did you get anything done this week?" as if she expected me not to, but then again, this is the same friend that does not get her own stuff done so I am assuming she was looking for comfort as she was heading out of town leaving her house a disaster.

I am off my game, I need to get things back in gear. So here is my start.... Expect whining at first, I need to get some things off my chest.

List 1. W /O March 14th to 21st.

1. Grounded from the Computer - so this is the only post this week, I will try to take photos of everything.

Monday -Treadmill 4:45 am - 1.5 miles or 25 min
Post Work
clean downstairs bathroom, set up potty seat and smaller potty chair
dishes, clean off table and bar
Make sure all Tupperware is up in the room (*Which is going to really suck for Thursday!!)
All Large toys in basement, smaller cubbies in T's room
After bedtime Wii 30 to 45 min.
Work on T's outfit.

Tuesday - Treadmill 4:45 am 1.5 miles or 25 min
Post Work
Ensure all from Monday is Complete.
Clean Living room. Vacuum, add hangers to closet -
Walk invites around to neighbors (Gulp, forgot!)
(Start cleaning out toys, decide what stays and what goes, then figure out what is going, where it goes. - (most of this mid work I can figure out, need to take pics of all toys.) )
Clean off Couches, fluff pillows; Wii - 30 min
Work on T's outfit.

Wednesday - No Run off day
Prep for Thursday *Tupperware party
Make Modeling Chocolate - (Please LORD don't let me mess this up and have to drive to SOCO) - Change Wii schedule to remove Thurs, change to Sunday.
Work on T's outfit.

Thursday - No Run Off day
7 PM *Tupperware Party! Post Party, enter party and close!! (Please Lord, let this party close out!!)
Bring in all Tupp- Bring up to room -
Work on T's outfit.

Friday - Drop off
Try to Run outside today (2+ Miles)
**Grocery Store. Start making (and cooking) cupcakes
Wii while cupcakes are cooking - 30 to 45 min, (post cook while cooling)
Vacuum Living room (again)
Clean Downstairs Bathroom(quick once over),
Sweep/Mop Kitchen Floor.
(*post begging mom to maybe come out to help)
make sure all junk is all off the stairs.
Hang up decorations, finish lanterns
work on outside signs
start rolling out chocolate.. Cover cupcakes, start decorating
Do dishes, eat a healthy lunch (run?) -
(Beg Elsa to come over and help)
- Pick up -
Easy dinner - rotisserie chicken and veggies, apple sauce or fruit,
Run by Blockbuster on way to Sitters.
End of night, move kitchen table near front door for gifts (and make room for kids tables) and put gift packs on table, w table cloth. Kids tables in kitchen, table cloths, snacks in cups in Tupperware containers ready to go, cups out and clean, plates, napkins,
Work on T's outfit(if not done)

Saturday - 7 am - light breakfast, fruit and yogurt, set up for good lunch -
8 am - Clean up breakfast- get T in the bath - NO TV DAY!!
9:30 am Daddy get balloons for indoor and out, hang up signs on porch (double side tape)
11:30 Lunch - turkey cubes, crackers, broc and cheese, choc milk @ 11:30 or 12, no later!!!
12 Noon - Grandparents to show for special time at 12/12:30 - Mommy shower and get ready time.
1 pm. party starts, photos as everyone walks in the door, once everyone is there, daddy to go get pics developed, kids decorate teapots, have cupcakes, open gifts, give out thank you gifts,
3 to 4 pm - send people on their way, NAP!!!!!!
5 /6 figure out an easy dinner (leftover chicken, mac n cheese w/veggies)
8 pm - everyone in bed!!

Sunday - Try to clean up everything leftover from the party if not done night before, veg day, play with new toys, figure out what old toys go into hiding or away
6 pm. Going away dinner for friend.
In bed by 10 -

*Tupperware party - Pack bag, remember, Cake Mix, Measuring cups, mixing bowl, powdered sugar (check w. hostess if I need that) - Quick Chef W blade, chip n dip bowl w lids, can opener(?),
**Grocery Store - Buttermilk, cake mixes, icing, COOKIES! PRETZELS! Juice, Soda? beer, goldfish, mini m&m's
*** $10 gift card to Walgreens for pictures - Double Side tape for decor, need removable.
**** Blockbuster - Rent Alice - ours is Ruined, BD Gift does not come out until the 30th.
***** Remind mom to bring kids table, borrow Tracey's kids table.

notes~~ Try to work on outside signs @ lunch at work at least 2 days this week.
Cardboard and Sharpie's needed.



WOW - What a list, Please let this go as planned!!

MIA -

Yup, here I am. Missing in action no more. There is very little time to sit down and blog w a soon to be two year old. I feel I am doing more laundry, cooking, cleaning, and for sure, dishes! I also find, I am interrupted much more than during year one. It was easy to have the swing, pack n play and or high chair out while completing things. Now, there is a lot of, "HELP!" "no, I ok", "I can't Get it!!", "Get me out", etc..
We have a lot of, "try it", and "lets do this", or "lets go". This is fantastic, and with her growing and learning so much it makes me realize how much we really do.

Today was my Godfathers birthday party, it was a lot of fun, I also spent 3+ hours chasing 2 year old(s) and going down the hall, back up the hall, into the play room, around the party room (school cafe) so it was fun but tiring. I had a great time, one of T's little friends was there, we'll call her S. S has been working on her potty training, had a dry pull up on all day and... and.. panties on her head, with her pigtails sticking out each side. I need her mom's ok before I post the photo I took with my cell phone. It was so cute. I remember when her mother was little, she was the same way, thought for herself, did her own thing and I never had any appreciation for it. I do now.

My cousin was also there, she makes me so sad. I miss her so much, there are times when I just want to talk to her, but I left her with the statement that if she wants to talk to me, all she has to do is call. It will be a year next week, no call yet. I was making up the party invitations and was actually in tears inviting everyone else. I really want her here.
I never in my life expected that our kids would not grow up without one another. It shocks me. With T's birthday being so close to hers and another friend of mine, they may miss her party some years but oh well. My kid does come first and as she gets older it will be less important for family parties vs friend parties that weekend so it may get better.

That's about all I've been up to. I have been wanting to post a lot recently so I may be here more (lets hope) soon.

I have decided that I am going to start working on making lists, I have found this to help me in my everyday life but I find myself lacking in the things I want and need to do. I am going to start my lists up to help me keep up with myself.

Can't think of anything else right now. So see you soon!

Max, Ruby, Gabba, Beyu, and who knows what else.

All of a sudden the words are just SPILLING out of T's mouth. In the past week, she called Grandma "Geemauw", shes singing the theme songs to all her shows, including Max and Ruby, (Ruby and Max), Beyu's Ceyu's (Blue's Clues), singing when I sing Twinkle Twinkle, she'll sing Wiggle Wiggle (skipping little star) and then goes right into "I know what you are". She's cocky like that apparently.

We are getting a lot of "I know!" Which I can only assume is coming from one of the kids at the sitter because it's doubtful that its coming from Bob or I. A lot of breakdowns and "Oh NO!!" which just makes it insane to be mad sometimes when you know she's just so upset about it not working her way, then there are the beginning's of time outs for the throwing of things when she's beyond the frustration point.

There is so much more new and good that I can't believe it. She's got a firm grasp on when and what No is and even tends to tell on herself when she knows she doing something wrong and while doing it will say "NO!" "ohhhh, NO!" "No, No"... so this is good all in all.

Who needs it...

Everyone is going low carb these days, who needs it right? I agree but I am weak, and I need to be stronger but it's just so easy. It's so easy to have to run to work, run to the sitter, run home, make dinner have time for family, bath, bed and me?
Who am I kidding. By the time I get the baby to bed at night I am exhausted.. so bad that I end up trying to figure out 1 thing to do a night so I don't get backed up over the weekends. I then overload myself and end up with a migraine and can't seem to function for a day (or so).
This weekend is going to be rough but thankfully long. We have a birthday party on Saturday afternoon which requires a hell of a drive! Daddy is going out so we are leaving him out by the birthday party and driving home alone, to then do dinner, bath and bed.. Hoping not to follow by exhaustion. I want to get up Saturday morning and go join the gym to join and work out. It's January and that makes me leery of signing up now, I hate crowds but need to get on a schedule. Once I start, things will get easier! right? sigh.......
So, back to the carbs, I am trying to beat it again, it's just those first two weeks that kick my butt. This is the "you can't have anything but,.... nope, you can't have anything" so it's the one that kills me. I try to knock out coffee because the coffee at work really sucks and the S place is over rated and expensive. I can make it @ home but we have one of those fancy coffee makers that grinds the beans, great if you are home, watching the sun rise and enjoying being at home. If not, you are making coffee, running late, getting dressed, fixing hair (2 peoples) and then trying to get dressed (morning workouts are now a joke) and leaving so you can get to work by --- um SEVEN AM - that's after a 45 min to hour drive.. Yes, leaving @ six am! (no invites required, yes this is my pitty party)
So, long story short, I am South Beaching it, again. . . . and again.. .. ... and so on. Post two to three week starting point, once I am feeling better, I'll start back up with brown rice and sweet potatoes and go from there, possible brown bread on rare occasion. Lots of veggies, and bringing back apples. they are my favorite evening snack. Alton Brown is talking me into smoothies for Breakfast but I've been having really good luck with Egg whites these days, I think I am going to start getting some of those frozen green giant veggie mixes to make to go with them. I had a turkey sandwich from the gas station today, half for breakfast, half for lunch, it was fantastic. YUM! I didn't eat much else and was starving by the time I should eat tonight and ate everything not biting me first! I also need to work on a good afternoon snack, I like the nut mixes or packs but it's just not enough, I hate celery so that's just not going to happen, I like the cottage cheese but that's something I need cold and with either sweetener or fruit to eat. Non Carb, easy to eat afternoon snack? Peanut Butter, I know the SB does not strongly support it but I have a nice size spoon full, no sugar added Skippy natural, yum! My fav! I would have hummus but it's so gross. Pickles? Ya, gross too!
Either or, that is my plan. More tuna, more chicken (canned, frozen and grilled), salmon, and fresh/frozen veggies.
speaking of healthy..... more sleep..... it's after 10 so I am getting done here and going to bed.....



Can someone remind me I need freezer bags? Thanks, we've been out for weeks!

Jan 3rd... Something New....

This is the new year. I've reset my goals on 43 Things and I am ready to go! Reminders all the time (which may start to annoy me but that's kind of what I need!) so I am going to be all set.
Today, I made dinner. I mean like a real dinner, not just frozen pizza or pre-made mix together food. Don't get me wrong, this is not a full roast beef dinner, I just made Chicken and rice. BUT, this is the first time I've ever made Chicken and rice. Which may be a shock with all my mad cooking skills. (Ok, I admit, I have none) I can bake with the best of them but when it comes to cooking I am not in my A game. Part of what I am doing for 2010 is cooking dinner from scratch more.
Tomorrow is my first day back at work after what feels like a huge vacation. Part of me is ready, part of me is not. This is going to be a long week. More updates to come about that but lets start things slow... 5 am is going to be here too soon!

It's not over till it's over!.. Wait, it's over.

It is the end of 2009... My Year in Review includes things that happened, along with my thoughts and feeling on those things that happened.

Jan -

• Set up a Twitter account... Later found out Twitter has a lot of porn on it, their spamming is horrid and I had to kill off my account. Bad Twitter!
• Made my first sale(s) on e-bay, not bad, made some money.
• Set Up a 43 Things account. Still getting reminders on thinks I've yet to do.
• The annoyance of the new guy at work continues. He's a horrible person and that's that.
• Added my Maiden name to Facebook and exploded with my past. Crazy, but I love it!

Feb -

• Realized my baby was still a baby, still wanting to be held and cuddled.. She's so over that.
• making blankets for charity - I made one :( **Need to add something to my list for 2010*
• Starting the Cupcake war for T's birthday. The Cupcakes won! * Starting on the big BD Bash for this year already!
• I broke my Arm... Oh my sewing machine embroidery arm plastic busted, and I was so upset, easy fix when I expected it to be harder.. Thank God for the store I bought it from!
• Happy Birthday to me! Melissa, and everyone else in Feb.

March

• Blogger changes set me back
• My Baby had a birthday
• Started being removed from Meds and had HORRIBLE side effects that lasted 2 months!
• Tried to stand up for stay at home moms and was stomped on.
• I made my first basket. very cute, very fun I should do another of those.

April -

• Grannie BeeBee passes. Very sad, we miss her so.
• In a bad place, depressed, sick, sad, sick, having a hard time coming off the meds, still.
• Found out I could blog from my phone, Found out blogging from my Phone is a HUGE pain in the ass
• Trying to remove the word "gay" from my vocab, Still working on that one.

May

• Went thru my 3rd NV - Thanks Verizon. - The new phone I have is better anyway
• I still have the Patterns from the garage sale from last year *2010 Resolve they go!**
• I learned how to e-mail my blog updates. V- Cool. I need to do this more so I do update my blog!! **2010 Resolve **
• Lots of tooth work.
• Added a Random Fact to my blog. I like that **2010 Resolve to add more**

June

• Had tons of fun swimming, ok I was sitting with my feet in the water but T was swimming and going under water.
• A recap on PPD.
• Signed up to be a Juicy Juice Mom. I still love it and get free stuff all the time!!
• Started new meds to get back on track from the horrible nasty ones to ween.
• Was not invited to a birthday party - Very sad...

July

• We went on Vacation to Ohio- not blogged.. No Blog entry in July -- BAD!!
• Was not invited to second child birthday party - very upset.

August

• Only one Blog entry - BAD!
• I did a research study at the YMCA. Loved it.
• Started Selling Tupperware.
• Started Braille

September

• Rocked the Tupperware, first month is always exciting, I got tons of free stuff. Still do.

October

• Got some Awesome things from the EOY city garage sale (ADDICT)
• Made a colored rice project, didn't go over as well as plain rice all over my floor!
• Started my want list for Christmas Projects. **2010 Resolve Move that to JUNE!**
• Sick of Tupperware - but still selling it.. This year may be short lived w the Tup
• Got Direct TV

November

• I got nada, we had Thanksgiving
• Big Family changes - non bloggable
• Did I mention Big Family Changes?

December

• The year in review.. What a year. it's been insane
• I want to work on Blogging more
• Working on FB less. It's an addiction I tell ya!

Good things -

• Family changes - great things, I didn't realize how good until it was done.
• Watching T get bigger, do more and be so cute and sweet and use good manors
• Donated time to NIC U Letters for Santa
• Lovable Babies born to friends

Not so Good things -

• Lost people that I loved, both in death and from issues. - I am sadly now learning that some people value themselves as something they are not, and expect others to take on the whole of a relationship. I missed out on seeing people I love growing up because people are bitter. It's very sad.
• Had a horrible issue with medication and caused me to rethink a lot of what I ask my Dr.
• Learning what it's like to have a sick child, not mind but my best friends. Very sad. Very hard.

I learned that now if people choose not to love me back I need to let them go, it's not me, it's them.

I learned that family is more important than expected, takes on so much more than I realized.

I learned that if I want time, I need to make that time. That includes, exercise, cooking, family, and ME time.. **2010 Resolve - Work on Me time**

Christmas Spirit.????????

It's been a busy month, so busy that my brain is scrambled and I've had too much going on to think enough to write.
My best friend, the one that's been thru too much, so much that geez, she does not need nore diserve anymore but her poor baby was born, with things wrong. No baby should be born with things wrong, let alone possibly needing a new heart at 3 months old. That's right, 3 months.
My heart aches so bad, I can't write, I can't find my words anymore. I hate that I can't do anything, fix something, or do something to help. Kills me.
On top of all the rest..
this is all I have right now.